(The following report by Darren Kramer appeared on Chicago television station NBC5’s website on May 20. Bruce Hartman is a member of BLET Division 815 in Blue Island, Ill., and Paul Rowland is a member of BLET Division 575 in Chicago.)
CHICAGO — When a train strikes a pedestrian, it is often the victims who receive the most attention in the media. But the engineers who drive the trains are also profoundly affected by accidents.
“He looked right at me and came out in front of me,” said engineer Bruce Hartman. “I hit him doing about 45 mph.”
NBC5’s Darren Kramer rode with Metra engineers who have been involved in fatal accidents, during his special report, “Moment Of Impact.”
“He was like, ‘Oh my God, it’s going to hit me,'” former engineer Jim Rodeghier. “That was the look on his face.”
Many engineers who are at the controls of Metra trains that have been involved in fatal accidents live with the horror of watching someone die, Kramer reported.
“You’re going to hit somebody in your career,” Hartman said. “Something’s going to get injured or die. That you can just count on.”
Metra accidents have been under scrutiny for the past few months after a string of children were killed on the tracks. Drivers said they are helpless to stop that moment of impact, Kramer reported.
“I need a mile to stop,” Hartman said. “You walk in front of me, there’s nothing I can do. Not a thing.”
Hartman was at the controls 30 years ago when a train killed a man. It haunts him to this day.
“I can still see the expression on his face,” Hartman said. “It just won’t go away. It’s just there.”
Hartman showed Kramer people who walk in front of moving trains. He said he goes through a range of emotions when he sees that.
“You go from worrying about the people, and as soon as they’re safe and in the clear and you don’t hit them, then you’re mad at them,” he said. “You want to shake them and figure out, what is wrong with you?”
Paul Rowland has been driving trains for nearly 40 years. In that time, he’s been the engineer or a crew member in 13 fatal accidents, Kramer reported. He said passing by the landmarks where they happen often brings the memories flooding back.
“It seems like not every day, but a lot of times, it will flash back to me,” he said. “Not always, but sometimes.”
Like all engineers involved in deaths, Metra offered Rowland therapy. He said he tried it once but now handles things his own way.
“Swing the [golf] club and try to crush that ball,” he said. “Just something to take my mind off of what has happened.”
Rodeghier doesn’t drive trains anymore — he is a conductor now, Kramer reported. When he was an engineer, his train killed a man nearly a decade ago. He has had flashbacks, waking up screaming, and he still has occasional therapy, Kramer reported.
“I was shattered when it happened,” he said. “I never thought, having never been there, I never thought it would affect me as much as it did.”
For some engineers, there comes a point where the risks of hitting someone outweigh the rewards of driving a train. When asked if the risks are outweighing the rewards from his point of view, Hartman simply said, “I don’t know.”