(The following story by Mary Wisniewski appeared on the Chicago Sun-Times website on May 25, 2010.)
CHICAGO — In a suicide note to Metra Chairwoman Carole Doris and the suburban rail agency’s board of directors, executive director Philip Pagano said he was not taking the easy way out but wanted to “end all this madness for all concerned.”
“Most of all it is to put an end to all the suffering that my family, you and the staff are going through,” Pagano wrote, in a note released by the McHenry County sheriff’s department today.
Pagano killed himself May 7 by standing in front of an oncoming Metra train, about two hours before a board meeting that likely would have ended in his dismissal after 20 years as head of the commuter rail service. An internal investigation had found that Pagano took $475,000 from Metra for unused vacation days, even when he had used the vacation days.
Pagano had admitted to a Metra investigator that he forged Doris’ signature to get part of the money.
In the note, Pagano also says that he is “deeply sorry” for all he has put the board through. “With the exception of this one mistake I have always done things the honest and right way,” Pagano said. “I hope that you believe me. Now there is nothing for me to lie about.”
Pagano also wrote, “I love Metra. I gave it my all — heart and soul.”
Pagano left behind personal notes before he killed himself, a law enforcement source said, including a note for his wife and another note for his two adult daughters. Those personal notes were not made public.
Pagano also had tucked instructions for dealing with his death in his wallet, including leaving a cell phone number for contacting his wife and another number for a Metra official he wanted notified, the source said.
The report also contained details of a phone call Pagano, 60, of Crystal Lake, made just minutes before his death to his friend Al Jourdan, a former Republican party state chairman. Jourdan, according to the report, stated that Pagano had called him on May 6 and was upset about the pending investigation. Pagano also told Jourdan that “he was headed for the last train” and gave Jourdan instructions on where his car would be left and what to do with the keys.
Jourdan told investigators he went to meet with Pagano and talk with him at Pagano’s house, leaving at 2:15 a.m. May 7 after he believed Pagano had calmed down. At about 7:45 a.m., Jourdan received a call from Pagano telling him him where his car was. Before hanging up, he told Jourdan “I can’t take this anymore” and “You’re the best friend I got.” As Pagano was speaking, Jourdan said he could hear the train in the background. After Pagano hung up, Jourdan called police, the report said.
The Metra board is expected to meet Wednesday to discuss recommending an independent audit to review financial oversight at Metra, and to start a review of compensation of the executive director and senior management.